A recent article in the Huffington Post really rang true for me. I've copied it at the end of my post for those who are interested.The truth is, I'm the ugly friend. I've always known it and I've mostly always been OK with it. I too have other gifts and talents, and I've been loved for those by many people. I admire them in myself and I work to be a better person. It's not always smooth sailing though. I'll be honest - sometimes it really does hurt and I lament the fact that because I'm not as physically pleasing as convention demands, others don't take the time to discover other wonderful parts of me. I'm used to being overlooked. To the first glance when you pass someone in the street but no follow-up glance. To not being told I'm beautiful by my partners. To having men, and women for that matter, clamour around more beautiful friends. I have one girlfriend who is so breathtakingly beautiful that she stops people in their tracks sometimes. I'm completely invisible when I'm out with her. She's also an absolutely gorgeous human being, but sadly is wracked with insecurities and keeps herself very closed off from others. Perhaps being the stunning one is not always easier than being the ugly one!There are things I can do to be more physically beautiful, and I have done them at times - I'm doing some of them now. Thinner, fitter, more tanned, better clothes, hair primped, and all that fuss. But in the end, I'm still the ugly friend. Even at my best, in a line-up of girlfriends, I'm noticed last and pursued least.Everyone's beautiful in their own way, right? My way happens to be less physical, and I'm OK with that. I've always had a healthy sense of self-confidence, a strong sense of who I am, and clear ideas about what I want for my life. And I'm more aware now of seeing others for what's in their heart, not the curves or angles of their face.What I like most about the huffpost article is its honestly. Accepting the fact that I'm the ugly friend has always made things a little easier for me, too. I first accepted it when I was a teenager, around Grade 8 I think. And it has meant that since then I've just got on with living my best life and not dwelling (too much!) on my short comings. Being an introvert, I'm sure building my interpersonal confidence, especially with men, would have a much more powerful impact on my life and my attractiveness than just getting a bit prettier, anyway. At least I think so.So to all the ugly friends out there ... some quotes to lift your spirits, if you need it lifted :)“No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.” ― Kahlil Gibran“Beauty shouldn’t be about changing yourself to achieve an ideal or be more socially acceptable. Real beauty, the interesting, truly pleasing kind, is about honoring the beauty within you and without you. It’s about knowing that someone else’s definition of pretty has no hold over you.” ― Golda Poretsky“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” ― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross____________________________________________________Huffington Post Articleby Kristin SalakyFrom the minute we are born, we are shoved full of contradicting notions that our bodies are both beautiful and not good enough. We see the images of gorgeous models and wonder why we are not more like them, but then hear campaigns telling us that this is all Photoshopped nonsense and that "real women" are beautiful.I find that these "think pieces" about real beauty and body image are great for a confidence booster, but they carry very little weight in the real world. I've found that there is something that works for me and carries me through because it is the only, sometimes heart-crushing, reality I have. I have accepted the fact that I am the ugly friend.I see it in pictures, in my social interactions, in the way that people speak to me. I will never, ever be conventionally beautiful, especially in the culture that I live in. I am blessed to be friends with some amazing and strikingly beautiful women. I go out with them and I get the impression from men that I am simply an obstacle to keep distracted while they hit on my more attractive counterparts. So I've accepted it.You see, beauty is nothing more than a social construct created by the people of a certain culture. There is nothing that scientifically says that skinny thighs and long hair are beautiful, but it is culturally ingrained in us from day one. So, while we can preach on and on every day about how everyone on the entire planet is drop-dead gorgeous, that is simply not how the world works.It's always hard to talk about this with my friends, especially women, because naturally, we are also programmed to make our friends and even strangers feel good about their appearance. Everyone, down to the most beautiful woman on earth, has insecurities, but to some of us, those insecurities are just cold, hard facts. I know that my thighs are too big, I don't have a very defined face and I could stand to lose more than a few pounds. I know that people see that. I know that it's looked down upon in Western culture.So, what do we do? Everything in my gut is telling me that writing this is somehow a betrayal to my gender. The idea that anyone could call himself or herself less than attractive feels wrong and somehow searching for attention. But, I choose to believe that my strength lies in other areas. And I don't want this to be a think piece that tells women how they should define their attractiveness. I think that everyone has a right to value their beauty or any other trait they feel the most pride in without shame.I'm good at making "30 Rock" references. I'm a loyal friend. I make a mean Funfetti cake. All of these strengths have nothing to do with my weight or bone structure. For those who are conventionally attractive, that is a mere notch on their belt and certainly something to pride themselves on, but since that is not in my wheelhouse, I choose to focus on things I have control over.I'm not saying that I never have days that I do feel attractive or that everyone I've ever met has thought I'm horrific-looking, but what I am saying is that being attractive is not the end-all be-all of life. There are things that are much more insulting than being called ugly. And that's what matters to me.
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