Various posts on a few recent threads have prompted me to share this. Don't take my word for it, it's based on significant research in neuroscience and psychology. And the best test of all? The ancient mystics and the ancient philosophers all knew about it, which must make it true ;) You might not agree with this and it's certainly not my intention to preach or teach.
From personal experience I know that my thoughts do create my feelings, so I wanted to share how it works based on my understanding. Maybe you'll get something from it, even if it's just a wry laugh!
First, something happens. An event or an experience. Let's say you arrange an RHP meet but get stood up.
Next, you have thoughts and beliefs about the event/experience. For example, you think 'what a bastard'. Or maybe you think women aren't worth the effort. Or worse, you start thinking why always me, or I must be seriously unattractive because no-one wants to date me or have sex with me. On the flip-side, maybe you believe 'their loss!'. Sometimes the thoughts are super-quick and barely noticeable before the feelings flood in, but they're always there.
Finally, your thoughts and beliefs cause you to feel things and to act in certain ways. Perhaps you feel depressed and decide to close your online dating profile. Maybe you start hating women or men and become aggressive in the way you interact with them. Maybe you start hating yourself and your negative self-talk goes into overdrive. Or in the 'their loss' example, maybe you know you're worth hanging out with so you shake it off with a laugh and start making arrangements for your next date.
In the last example, the person's optimism is not caused by getting stood up. It's caused by what they think about getting stood up. They think they're a great person and have a lot to offer regardless of the no-show.
In the earlier examples, so often people who hate on others or hate on themselves say it's because of what someone else has done. It's classic in relationships - 'I'm miserable because of what you did'. However it's not BECAUSE of what someone else did, it's because of the thoughts they have about what the person did.
Change your thoughts >>> change your feelings and your actions/behaviours >>> change how you experience this amazing world :)
It's not always easy. Sometimes it's against great odds - a lifetime of disappointment and heartache perhaps. But it's doable.
For me it's been both the most liberating and the most challenging life lesson to-date. I've practised this for years and there's great freedom and peace in absolute self-responsibility. But sometimes I find it way too hard and it takes me ages to get my thoughts in check. The more calm I am in life the easier it is. When the pressure is on and life is flat-out and stressful, I can struggle to apply what I know works. And some relationships - family for example - are just full of so many triggers that even knowing that I'm causing my own irritation doesn't stop it from happening.
When I get it working it's a beautiful thing. Just now I got a call from a family member who has a tendency to be hostile and aggressive (mostly a defense against a hard life) and who whinges a LOT. I heard myself thinking ffs enough with the whinging. I felt myself getting irritated and close to snapping at them, which from experience would have led to them hanging up on me. I took a breath and changed my thoughts to 'they're exhausted from all the struggles and frightened their health is failing' and suddenly all I felt was softness and compassion. I didn't snap, we didn't have an unpleasant argument like we often do, and the call ended with love. Every time I achieve this our bond gets a little stronger and more loving.They don't have the awareness to practice the same thing and probably never will, so it falls to me, and I'm OK with that.
So ... want to change your experiences in this world. Try some new thinking ;)- Posted from rhpmobile
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