An RHP wise woman once suggested in a different post, that the human being is far more complex and difficult product to accommodate socially than is the traditional and socially convenient construct. - and I am all that.
She also suggested that we all have certain inherent drives that are not within our ability to control - and I am all that.
I am fully aware that I am setting myself up to the ridicule and to the personal judgment of the RHP members but I don't care, as I don't care about you being older or more accomplished than me.
You've so abruptly cut off any communication with me, so here I am - writing to YOU and open letter.
Over the months we spent together, we've discussed relentlessly the comments and ideas many have put forward in the forums.
These discussions brought us closer, and showed me a different perspective related to relationships, love, friendship, commitment, sex & endings.
I say "relentlessly" because now I realise how narrow minded I was in my views and how my fear stoped me in recognising a really great person that you are.
When we met my intentions were rather simple, and leaned toward a casual relationship more than anything. Only after you "closed the door" I realise and acknowledged this to be true.
I wanted to stay in your life, and I know you wanted me to, but none of us had the courage to actually say it.
What I know now is that I have feelings for you which are confusing and exhilarating. Feelings of longing and more, feelings which won't go away, and it makes my feet "to want to walk to where you are sleeping". It's not lust, and I want YOU to know that.
I know now that by trying to delude myself of having had an "emotional bypass", and being able to treat our times of passion with detachment, was just a puerile manifestation of trying to deny my own fears.
You were right, love cannot be empirically verified. Love is not in the heart although it is mostly associated with it. Love is not a particular action though a particular action, like giving a gift or flower or comforting a sad or sick person, could be an expression of love, but it is not love itself.
Love could not be reduced to any particular thing or action though they may express what love is, but not totally.
Love is one particular concept that does not have a specific correspondence with any empirical reality.
We all say this, but I often wonder how many of us at times, really grasp the meaning of it.
So here I am saying it - life is short, and is worth living. There is so much time lost in human life in waiting or hiding ourselves,pretending.....
If you will call for me, I will come - and I will stay. If not, know that I am everything that I have loved.
Signed - just ME
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