I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge
headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public
holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark
workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high
temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely, P. Niss The Response Dear Penis: After
assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the
administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not
work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work
periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting
other locations. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured
and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace
rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe
necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective
clothing. You will retire well before you are 60. You are
unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work
area before you have completed the assigned task.. And if that were not
all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace
carrying two suspicious-looking bags. Sincerely, V. Gina
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