So, following on from the many discussions on here about dick pics I thought I'd post this. It's part of an article written by the woman who runs the Critique My Dick Pic tumblr, and if you're a guy who has or wants to have dick pics on their profile then you really should check it out. Don't worry, there's no body or cock shaming or judgement whatsoever, all of her advice relates only to the qualities of the picture."In September this year, I woke up to an excellent dick pic. I can
remember it quite clearly: it was a low-lit shot of a firmly-erect penis
straining sideways through boxers, and I was thrilled to receive it: it
was subtle, it wasn’t unsolicited, and it was unusually sexy for a
Snapchatted cock shot. It also changed the trajectory of my life. I
don’t want to send anyone’s ego out of the stratosphere by saying that,
but it’s not really an exaggeration: after I received that photo,
invigorated and shot through with dopamine, I tweeted about how rare and
encouraging it was to receive a decent dick pic. That sparked an online
conversation about how to improve the dismal state of dick pics—I would
classify them as generally dull, artless and unsolicited—and that lead
to my rise as the Internet’s most beloved dick pic critic.
I started Critique My Dick Pic (Not! Safe! For! Work!, and that goes for all links throughout) that same day; a blog with a simple, self-explanatory premise:
men (and other people with penises) send me pictures of their dicks,
and I critique them with love. “With love” refers to my policy of being
neutral about the size of someone’s dick and refusing to shame sender’s
bodies, but it’s not about being saccharine or coddling: I don’t mince my words when someone sends me a thoughtless, lazy shot (although I do still try to be somewhat encouraging and constructive).The fact that I don’t critique actual dicks is difficult to
fully communicate to men: I still get dozens of emails asking me for
private dick reviews, and requests to describe the “perfect penis."
That’s pointless to me, and I’m never going to do it. Just imagine it:
imagine, for example, if I decided that the perfect dick is shaped like a
coke can, and it’s uncircumcised, and it has visible veins (but not too
many), and it’s rock hard and dead straight. Where does that leave
people with thin dicks? Veiny dicks? Dicks that veer to one side? Are
they supposed to feel shitty and miserable about a body part they can’t
change because of the idiosyncratic ideals of some woman from New
Zealand they were never going to fuck anyway? It’s nonsense. I find the
idea of a “perfect dick” reductive and insidious, and I often have to
underline the fact that I’m not here to critique dicks, I’m here to
critique dick pics.The obvious question, then, is what makes a good dick pic? I’m often
asked this, and I consistently repeat a few key tips: don’t send a log. Realize the power of your hands
to transform a dick pic from ordinary to wettie-inducing. Pay attention
to the background and setting of your picture, and understand how
off-putting a visible pile of dirty laundry or extremely mundane
collection of shower gels can be. Be aware that even a very small amount
of thought and consideration for the desires of your receiver will set
you apart from most dick pic senders, and take advantage of that by
putting more than three second’s thought into the pose, composition and
lighting of your picture. Having said that, though, it’s difficult to
prescribe an ideal dick pic. Some of the most memorable pictures I’ve
received I never saw coming. I wouldn’t have thought to recommend dusting your half-naked body with bone fragments, for example. All in all, Critique My Dick Pic is proving to be an extremely
positive and humbling project. It’s fun and light, but it’s also
confirmed to me just how fragile men are; how crumblingly insecure and
self-conscious so many of them are about their bodies. That’s very human
and understandable, and it’s a terrain with which most women are
familiar, but men in particular are exhorted to grin and bear their body
issues rather than talk about them. Perhaps that’s why they’ve
responded so openly to my project; an anonymous outlet for them to share
their deepest vulnerabilities (and to swing their dicks around). It’s
very humbling to be put in a trusted position like that, and even though
I have a pull-no-punches approach to reviewing, I try to be careful
with people’s feelings. Fundamentally, I’m doing this project to help
people—senders and receivers alike. I want to rid the world of boring,
artless dick pics, and I want to get everybody on board with that."
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