On the 25th of November it will be White Ribbon Day, an annual event to create awareness for violence against women*.From the Victorian Health Foundation:Domestic violence is the leading contributor to death, disability and ill health in Australian women aged between 15 and 44. The St Vincent de Paul website says this:More than one in three Australian women experience relationship violence in their lifetime.D/V is behaviour that is violent, threatening, intimidating or controlling, or intended to cause the other person in a relationship to be fearful. It can affect people of any age, and from all walks of life. Domestic violence is about power and control and there are many ways this can be expressed, not just physically!From the Reachout website (edited):Some of the forms that domestic violence may take:Physical - If someone is hurting you, or threatening to hurt you, a loved one or a pet, then you will need to take some action. Emotional - This form of violence is often unrecognised and can be very hurtful. Economic - Having money and being able to make decisions about it, is one means of being independent. If someone is controlling your money, keeping you financially dependent, or making you ask for money unreasonably, then this is a form of violence.Social – Social violence occurs in relationships that often include other forms of violence. If someone is insulting you or teasing you in front of other people, keeping you isolated from family and friends, controlling what you do and where you go, then they are being violent and you may need to take some action.Spiritual - This type of violence involves a situation where you are not allowed to have your own opinions about religion, cultural beliefs, and values, or your spirituality is manipulated to keep you feeling powerless.WOMEN:If you think you could be experiencing domestic violence (from the Reachout website):Steps to ensure your safety:- Is there immediate danger? How likely is it that someone will hurt you? If necessary, you may have to move to somewhere safe. - Do you have support? Making a decision to leave a situation where you feel unsafe may be hard and scary. If possible, talk to someone you trust, like a friend, counsellor or youth worker- Talk to the police: If you feel unsafe the police are good people to talk to. If you or someone you know has been hurt, the police will be able to help- Believe in yourself: If someone is hurting you or threatening to, it can be hard to maintain your self-confidence. Remember it is never ok for someone to hurt or threaten to hurt you- Know your rights: It may be a good idea to check out your legal rights. Laws vary from state to state. There are services where you can get help listed for all states on the White Ribbon website. To find out more about your legal rights in your state: Google “Lawstuff” to go to the right website.MEN:What do you do if you witness violence towards women? From the White Ribbon website: If you witness a violent act, you can:- Call the police.- Be a witness. Stand far enough away to be safe but close enough for the violent person to see you and be aware that they are being watched.- Get others’ support. Ask others who are nearby to help.- Verbally intervene. Tell the violent person clearly that their actions are not okay, they are a crime, and you are calling the police. - Ask the victim if they need help. “Are you okay, do you need a taxi?”- Say something to the man: “Hey, what are you doing?” “That’s not on, mate.”- Stick around to make sure the situation has cooled down.- Create a distraction – so that the abused person has time to get away or the perpetrator slows down or ceases their violence. For example, ask a man harassing a woman on the street for directions or the time.If you're aware of violence, you can:- Talk to a friend who is verbally or physically abusive to his partner in a private, calm moment, rather than in public or directly after an abusive incident. Tell him that what you witnessed was not okay, and he needs to get some help.- Talk to a group of the perpetrator’s friends and, together, decide on a course of action.If you have witnessed a friend or colleague abusing a partner, talk to a group of the victim’s friends and strategise a group response.- Talk to the woman – at some point – and let her know you saw what was going on and you’re willing to help her.In situations when your friends are engaged in harassing or abusive behaviour, such as sexually harassing a woman walking by, you can:- Distract your friends by saying something like “chill out, guys”.- Try to convince your peers to stop.- Walk away, signalling your rejection of their harassing behaviour.To show you are against violence, you can:Make your concern known.“Hey mate, that’s sexist and I don’t think it’s funny.”“I think those words are really hurtful.”Refrain from laughing when you’re expected to.Personalise the violence or injustice. Bring it home.“What if that was your sister / daughter / mother?”“I hope no one ever talks about you like that.”Remind him that she has feelings and rights.“Just like your mum or your sister, she has the right to be treated with respect.”Ask for an explanation.“What are you doing?”“What are you saying?”Remind him of his ‘best self’.“Come on mate, you are better than that."Use your friendship.“Hey mate… as your friend I’ve gotta tell you that getting a girl drunk to have sex with her isn’t cool, and could get you in a lot of trouble. Don’t do it.”Invite group pressure.“I don’t feel good about this. Does anyone else feel uncomfortable too?"You can also go to the White Ribbon website and sign the oath. "I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women. This is my oath."I'd love to hear additional comments and tips, as well as personal experiences if you are comfortable sharing. If this forum gets just one victim or perpetrator thinking that maybe what they are experiencing or doing isn't right, it will be worth it.*White Ribbon day is about violence to women, by men, but I want to recognise that men can be victims too. Google: “Oneinthree” to go to a great site for male victims. It states: “Contrary to common beliefs, up to one in three victims of sexual assault and at least one in three victims of family violence and abuse is male.”Important to remember that all the advice for women I posted above is applicable to men too. x
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