Note: A name has been omitted to protect the guilty. Well, no, it's been omitted to get this post through on the second attempt.***Did you know, historically, some mapmakers used to sprinkle their maps
with fake suburbs, towns and roads? Nothing of any consequence that might draw
attention to the errors, or lead anyone astray, mind - just little details.
Enough that, should they ever find themselves in a situation where they
suspected a rival of purloining their plans, swindling their schematics or what
have you, they could point to the recklessly reproduced ruse and faithfully
whip out le ol' 'J'accuse!'
I only mention this little curiosity because I was reminded of it when
somebody directed my attention to a charming sounding lad down Melbourne way,
who sashays under the sobriquet *REDACTED*.
Now as I read through this chap's profile, I've gotta be honest here - I
thought I was falling in love. Never before had I found someone who 'got me'
quite like this guy got me. What were the chances somebody could have such
similar interests and share such snobbish disinterests? Could I have found, in
this universe, a kindred soul who shared my exact kinks, my exact desires, my
idiosyncratic writing style?
I was about to step up my lobbying efforts for gay marriage, because I
thought I'd found The One (actually, no, if he really was another version of me
he probably wouldn't be in to all that institutionalised blah. But I digress.)
He was perfect.
And yet...
And yet I couldn't help but shake that niggling doubt. Like a splinter
it lodged itself in my mind and began to fester. The corruption spread out,
tendrils of black doubt seeping and probing, curling and stretching, filling my
mind until I could stand it no longer.
I had to know. Was there a way to determine if indeed we were kindred
spirits, or if instead something more sinister was afoot?
It was then I remembered this mapmakers trick, this cartographer's clue.
I remembered that once, long ago, as I penned my meticulously personalised
profile, I had laid just such a trap to catch out the unscrupulous and the
unwary. If you cast your eyes upon my profile (yep, cheap plug,) in the list of
Likes' you'll learn there thrice lays a line - an affinity, a weakness, a
lustfulness for 'knee high boots' (I mean, DAYMN!) However, in those three
lines there lays a tiny deception - a mistake if you will - that could prove
the true nature of this other profile. It was an error so unlikely, so small,
so insignificant, that the casual reader might not notice it. However, its
presence or absence would scream the truth louder than any oration could ever
hope to reach. Its design was not mere accident - it was deliberate. It was
written with intent (just roll with me here.) Should this wayward hyphen be
included in *REDACTED* of Melbourne's profile, I'd know it was not mere
happenstance, it was not mere fate, it was not a grand cosmic alignment - it
was plagiarism most foul (and totally flattering and annoying):
You'll notice the second 'knee-high' has a hyphen - a punctuating
construct completely absent from the other two.
With trepidation I searched for the hyphen on his profile, to see if the
villain had been ensnared. Sure enough, a few pixels connected in a line sat nestled between the second 'knee-high'. The profiles were identical.
'J'ACCUSE!' I yell, for all and sundry to hear, 'J'ACCUSE!'
Fucker stole my profile.
Neptune Drift
Accept no substitutes.Post-script:The young lady sleuth who brought this duplication to my attention was kind enough to share with me a true sample of this rogue's writing. It seems he had sent her a message, and the juxtaposition between the message and his (my) profile tipped her off that something was not quite right. Can YOU notice any stylistic difference? This is the message he sent her:"hi huni ill get rite to the point I dont wanna mess u around ...im self employed with 2 companies..and was wondering.... do u want a great descrete lick out and fuck? I realy need the sweet taste of pussy and I lick good and for hours ????? Iv got a nice cock and im good looking sorry about the straight forwardness I just don't like to mess around and say what I relay mean"Post-post-script:Soon after I became aware of the situation the powers-that-be at RHP were notified, and they swiftly and heroically dealt with the impostor.
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